Adolescent Sexuality

The teen years are exciting. They can also be confusing. Your body is changing. You're dealing with new feelings. Now is the time for you to look at how you feel about yourself, other people, problems, life, and love. You're also starting to notice your own sexual feelings.

This pamphlet talks about the changes your body goes through and feelings you may have now or later. It may help you sort out these feelings.

Your sexuality

Part of your sexuality is what sex you are - male or female. It's also the way you look, feel, and act. Just like other parts of your personality, your sexuality develops during the teen years. Understanding the changes you're going through makes it easier to deal with them.

Physical changes

Sometime between the ages of 9 and 16, your body starts to change. This time of change is called puberty. Puberty is the time when your body develops so you can reproduce. Once you reach puberty, a part of your brain tells your sex glands - ovaries in a girl or testes in a boy - to start working. The sex glands then signal certain other parts of your body to start to grow. These signals are carried by hormones - chemical substances made by your body. Hormones make your body change and start looking more like an adult.

Girls' bodies change a lot during puberty.

• Their breasts grow
• Their hips may get bigger
• They may gain weight
• They grow hair under the arms and around the genitals

Hormones also cause changes that ready a girl's body to have a baby. The ovaries contain eggs, and one is released each month. This is called ovulation. It happens in the middle of the menstrual cycle, about 12 to 14 days before the next period. The egg moves into one of the fallopian tubes. The lining of tissue builds up in the uterus. If the egg has not been fertilized, the lining of the uterus is shed as menstrual fluid during menstruation.

Boys' bodies also change a lot during puberty. These changes usually start around ages 12 to 14:

• Their penis and testes get bigger
• The hair on their bodies grow thicker
• They start to grow hair on their faces, under arms, and around the genitals
• Their voices get deeper
• The testes start to make sperm

Emotional Changes

During your teen years, the hormones that cause the sex organs to grow and function also cause strong sexual feelings. You may get these feelings for someone of the opposite sex or the same sex. Thinking about sex or just wanting to hear or read about sex is normal. So is wanting to be held and touched. But you must decide how far you are ready to go with these sexual feelings. Sexual expression can range from holding hands, to hugging and touching, to kissing, to having sexual intercourse.

Sex and Reproduction

During sexual intercourse, the erect penis goes into the vagina and moves in and out. This moving in and out of the penis can lead to orgasm.

When a boy has an orgasm he ejaculates semen, which contains millions of sperm. If this occurs during intercourse, the semen spurts out into the vagina. These sperm can swim up into the uterus and fallopian tubes where they can fertilize an egg. If the couple isn't using any birth control, the girl can become pregnant.

The only way not to get pregnant is to not have sex. If you do have sex, use birth control every time. Both boys and girls should think about birth control.

Making a Decision

With all the sex being shown on television shows, in movies, and even music videos, it's easy to think that "everyone's doing it." But that's not true. It may be true that about half of high school juniors and seniors have had sex. But, that also means that about half have not. So, everybody isn't doing it.

Ask yourself what your feelings are about sex. Are you really ready for sex? If you are dating, do you know how the other person feels about sex? Make up your own mind about when is the right time to have sex. Don't have sex just because:

• You think everyone else is
• You think it will make you more popular
• You're talked into it
• You're afraid the other person will break up with you if you don't
• You feel that it will make you a "real" woman or man

If you are not ready for sex, say so, and stick to your decision. It's okay to say "no." If the other person really cares about you, he or she will respect your decision.

If someone tries to pressure you into having sex, it's important to learn how to say no. Think ahead of time about lines you might hear and how you will respond. The following examples can work for girls or boys.

"If you love me, you'll have sex with me."
Answer: "If you really love me, you won't pressure me"

"You're the only one I'll ever love."
Answer: "Good, then we'll have lots of time later."

"Don't tell me you're still a virgin?"
Answer: "That's not the point. I just don't want to have sex now."

When sexual tension builds, touching or rubbing your own genitals can give you pleasure. This is known as masturbation. It can help you learn what kind of touch makes you feel good. Masturbation can let you enjoy your sexuality without having sex with another person before you're ready.

Relationships

Real friendship (not just popularity) is very important to teens. Being accepted is a large part of friendship. Just like everything else, your feelings about friendship change during teen years. Some teens, for instance, may begin to spend more time with friends of the opposite sex. This is normal.

As you know, you have many relationships with many different people - your parents, brothers and sisters, neighbors, teachers and friends. During your teen years, it's natural for some of these relationships to change. Some become more important, some less. You may find yourself pushing away from your parents, confiding in them less than you used to. Dealing with changes, struggling with tough questions - these are part of growing up. Learning how to cope with the teen years is important.

Coping

• Know how you really feel about your sexuality
• Get to know someone well before you share your dreams, secrets, wishes, or your body
• Don't put yourself in situations that you know are too hard to handle
• Don't try to experience everything in life at once. You've got plenty of time
• Take responsibility for your actions. Know how they'll affect you and others

Homosexuality

Many teenagers go through a stage where they wonder, "Am I gay?" Things they've done - holding hands with a friend of the same sex, looking at or touching each other's genitals - may make them worry. But these activities are normal while growing up. Many boys and girls are attracted to members of their own sex during puberty.

Some teenagers discover their homosexuality during these years. Being homosexual is not a choice a person makes or something that can be changed. Some gay teenagers may not wish to reveal their sexual identity. They may not be accepted by their family and friends. If you think you may be gay and feel confused or unhappy, talk to someone you can trust. A school counselor, an older friend or relative, or someone at church may help you sort out your feelings.

Finally...

Being a teenager can be both exciting and confusing. You face many decisions. To be sure you make the right ones, talk with someone you trust - your parents, a teacher, a school counselor, or a coach - if you have questions. You can also visit your local or school library and read books about being a teenager. Being well informed can help you make good choices as you deal with your new-found sexuality.

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